What’s holding you back from living the life of your dreams?
There might be a hundred different reasons that come to mind, but in my work in manifestation coaching, so much of it comes down to one root cause.
I’m sure you noticed the common thread – it’s fear.
Fear is real, it’s legitimate, and in some cases, it’s a perfectly rational thing to feel.
But in many cases, fear can hold us back from living the life of our dreams.
But is it possible to look at fear from a different perspective?
Let’s take a look.
Your Fear Isn’t A Bad Thing
What actually is fear?
Put simply, fear is an emotion.
And while fear might not always feel great, it’s a very human, and can be a very useful, emotion.
It’s innate, partially instinct and partially a response to our past experiences.
The instinct part is what spurs you to action, jumping out of the way if you’re about to be harmed, for example.
And the response part is what works to recognize and avoid situations similar to the ones that previously caused you trauma.
But when you open yourself up to fear and allow yourself to feel it deeply, you can learn from it.
By understanding your fear, you can use it to move forward toward building the life of your dreams.
Because it’s not actually the fear that’s holding you back.
It’s your resistance to it.
How To Overcome Your Resistance To Fear
Here are a few ways you can work through, and let go of, your fear.
1. Acknowledge Your Fear
When someone insists that fear is “all in your head”, they may be well meaning but this advice is ultimately unhelpful.
Just because something is in your head doesn’t make it any less real than any other limiting factors in your life.
Would you tell somebody with a broken leg that “it’s all in your tibia?”
At the same time, this advice tends to come from the attitude we have toward fear in our culture.
Nobody likes to think of themselves as being afraid of anything – rather, we like to think of ourselves as brave.
As a result, many of us tend to ignore and hide our fears.
But examining emotional responses can be complicated.
The fear you feel is real, but the process your brain came to when deciding how to react fearfully – entirely subconsciously, of course – might not make any sense when subjected to closer evaluation.
Try spending some time with your fear, and do your best to withhold judgment when doing so.
Get to know it, and to understand where it’s coming from.
More importantly, understand what it is you’re actually afraid of, and how likely it is to be the case.
A study cited in the Huffington Post found that a whopping 85% of people never have the things they worry about actually ever happen.
That’s right – 85%.
And of the remaining 15% – those who actually did come face to face with their greatest fears – nearly 80% found that either they could handle the difficulty better than they thought, or the experience taught them a valuable lesson that made it worth it.
Put those numbers together, and there’s a 97% chance that things aren’t going to be as bad as you think they are.
That doesn’t mean there’s nothing to be afraid of, of course.
But statistically speaking, the thing you’re most afraid of is very unlikely to come to pass.
When considering the life of your dreams, think about what fear comes up, and how likely it is to come to pass.
Spend some time with your fears, and ask yourself how likely they are to come to pass.
For example, if you’re hoping to work on manifesting and attracting abundance, coaching may help you realize that you have a fear that you’ll end up failing at the new business venture of your dreams.
On the other hand, a dating and relationship coaching experience may cause you to realize that you may have fear of repeating the same mistakes you made in past relationships, or fear around your difficulty with setting boundaries.
But when you consider that fear from a non judgmental perspective, how likely are those fears to come to pass?
And what can you do to make them less likely?
2. Stay Grounded In The Now
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life” – Eckhart Tolle
Fear can be powerful, and it can feel as real as anything you’re experiencing in the moment.
This is where mindfulness can help.
Mindfulness teaches us that, as much as possible, it’s helpful to live in the present.
To live in the now.
And right now, at this very moment, as you read this article, it’s very likely that your fears are not coming to pass.
In this moment, you’re okay.
And this moment is really all you have.
But the thing is, our brains are wired to think about the now.
So when you find yourself fretting about the future, or lamenting the past, your brain takes it as if it is happening now.
3. Question Your Fear
Your thoughts create your emotions.
And while your emotions are real, the thoughts you created them from might not make sense.
Because as it turns out, humans are irrational and nobody gets everything right 100% of the time.
Here’s a simple example that should illustrate the point.
Imagine back when you were a small child, and how scared you were of the monster under your bed or in your closet.
Was there a monster under your bed or in your closet?
Of course not.
But that doesn’t mean the fear you felt was any less real.
As a child, you might not have had the benefit of looking at your fear rationally, but now you do.
When you examine and question your fear, ask the following questions:
- Is it mine?
- Is it real?
- Is it true?
The answer most of the time will be no.
4. Reframe Your Fear
Might your greatest fear actually be a good thing if it comes to pass?
Sometimes, when we spend too much energy trying to squash down our fear, we lose sight of what would actually come to pass if your greatest fears were realized.
When you examine your fear, identify it.
Then ask yourself why this particular fear might actually be a good thing.
Think of three different reasons.
When you do this, you can start seeing that even if your fear does come to pass, there is good that can come from it as well.
When you do this, you rob your fear of its power.
5. Take Action In Spite Of Your Fear
Of course, it’s not wise to entirely ignore your fear.
But as you come to understand your fear, you’ll come to discover some ways to take action in a way that reduces the likelihood of that fear coming to pass.
When your fear tells you not to walk down that dimly lit alleyway at two in the morning, listen to it.
But when your fear holds you back from living your dream life, look at it, sit with it, feel it and follow the suggestions in this article.
Taking action in spite of your fear can do wonders for manifesting a confident mindset.
Since it’s very unlikely your fears will actually happen, taking action will help you build that confidence and retrain your brain.
And if the fear that was holding you back in that situation was misguided, what other fears do you have that are just as misguided?
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Fear can be a powerful force keeping you stuck, but it doesn’t have to be that way.