How To Communicate Clearly And Effectively With Your Partner | Evelina Hovich | Mindset Coaching


It’s the foundation of any healthy relationship.

Talk to any dating and relationship coach, therapist, or any other type of expert on the matter, and they’re likely to tell you the same thing.

But it’s not as simple as just saying “communication is important”, is it?

If that were the case, this article would be three words long – and as you can see, we’ve got a while to go yet.

In the process of understanding what your dream life actually looks like and then manifesting it, you’ll find that while things like vision boards, mindfulness meditation, breathwork, and other processes are helpful, they won’t go far unless they’re paired with deliberate, inspired action.

What does that action look like in the process of manifesting your dream relationship?


Why Is Communication So Important?

Honest, clear, vulnerable communication with your partner is one of the most important elements of a successful relationship.

So much so, in fact, that when you’ve mastered this, everything else tends to fall into place much more easily.

Do you find you lack emotional intimacy with your partner?

Are you and your partner frequently fighting?

Do you find yourself catastrophizing about the state of your relationship?

At the root of each of these, and many more, you’ll find a lack of communication.

With clear communication, you and your partner both fully understand what you need from your relationship and how to arrange your relationship in a way that best meet those needs.

What Causes Communication Difficulties?

Communication issues can come from a number of different places.

It could be a fear of “rocking the boat”, so to speak.

This frequently happens with people who were raised by parents who use guilt as a tool.

It’s also common if you’ve been in relationships where you fought all the time.

If you were made to feel like talking about your needs would trigger a guilt trip as a child, or a fight in a previous relationship, you might have carried some fear around that into your current relationship.

Unfortunately, avoiding conflict and potentially difficult topics with your partner tends to have the opposite effect.

Ignoring such things doesn’t make it go away, and can lead to you making the same mistakes in this relationship as you have in previous ones.

It could also be an assumption that your partner should know what your needs are already.

In some cases, it’s difficult for us to understand what our own needs are ourselves, so expecting a partner to know what you need at any given time is not realistic.

The only way for them to know what your needs are is, of course, to communicate.

In other cases, you may have felt like nobody ever really cared about what you had to say or had other past relationship traumas that lead you to feel like communicating your feelings won’t help, won’t matter, or in the most extreme circumstances, will make you feel unsafe.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Here are some effective ways for how to communicate in your relationships.

1. Listen. No, Really.

If you want your partner to listen to your needs, you have to be willing to give them the same courtesy.

Remain mindful as you listen.

Don’t listen to reply, listen to understand – this is called active listening.

As you do, openly and honestly explore what your partner’s needs are.

How do they mesh with yours?

Are there any needs where you’re fundamentally incompatible?

Perhaps you want to live in another city or country and your partner wants to stay put, or your partner wants kids but you don’t.

Consider exploring these topics by going deeper.

What is behind that desire?

Why does your partner want to live in another city?

What is really behind the desire to have kids?

Are there conflicting needs where you can find ways to communicate better and perhaps find a way that can work for both of you?

What is your partner saying, and how do they feel about what they’re saying?

Take a moment to turn off your phone and eliminate distractions as you do – this will help you stay focused on being fully present and communicate better.

the process of manifesting your dream relationship | Evelina Hovich | Mindset Coaching

2. Avoid Absolute Statements

You’re always so irresponsible!

You never think about me!

Do you find yourself making such statements when you’re communicating with your partner?

Please stop.

These type of absolute statements don’t tend to be helpful, for several reasons.

First of all, they will make your partner feel attacked, and as a result they may respond defensively.

As well, such statements are rarely true – nobody is always late, or never helps out around the house.

So when you make such a statement, your partner’s first instinct will be to think of a time where that’s not the case.

At this point the conversation moves away from how you feel, and more toward specific factual instances where your absolute statement isn’t true.

This, of course, doesn’t help you to actually resolve the issue you’re facing.

In fact, to take it one step further, it’s best to avoid focusing on specific things done in the first place.

Instead, focus on the feelings that come up when you do.

Rather than “you’re always late”, consider something like “when you’re late, it makes me feel disrespected, and it happens often enough that I frequently feel this way”.

Even better, use “I” statements instead of “you” statements.

When your communication starts with “I”, it seems less critical, and as a result your partner will feel less defensive.

Instead of: You never listen to me!

Consider: I’m not feeling heard right now.

Instead of: You’re holding me back!

Consider: I’m working to establish healthier habits, and I don’t feel supported in that

How can you reposition your own relationship concerns in this way?

3. Let Go Of The Need To Be Right

In many instances of life, we end up facing situations where we need to prove ourselves in opposition to someone else.

This is how we see political theatre play out, and it’s how many of us operate in the workplace.

Sometimes, you genuinely do have an opponent, but in your relationship it’s different.

In a relationship, the only opponent you have is the issue you’re facing.

After all, you both want the same thing – a loving, peaceful, comfortable, joyful relationship.

Viewing your partner as an opponent comes from a scarcity mindset – that life is a zero sum game, and if your partner’s needs are met, it lessens your own ability to get your needs met in your relationship.

But this attitude won’t help you manifest the relationship of your dreams.

Instead of approaching communication from the perspective of trying to prove your partner wrong, consider the truth in what they’re saying.

Consider the emotions they’re expressing.

Because emotions, when properly expressed, are by their very nature correct.

Saying “I feel __” when you feel an emotion is not a statement that’s up for debate.

The reason you feel that emotion might not be based on a misunderstanding, but the emotion itself is still there.

In most cases, you and your partner can work together to make sure both of your needs are met.

And in circumstances where you’re fundamentally incompatible, it’s important to recognize that it might be time to end your romantic relationship.

But, having come to that conclusion through honest, open communication, you can work to decouple with love and compassion for each other.

Connect With Evelina To Book Your Appointment Today

Conscious, clear, honest, and open communication can sometimes be challenging, especially if you’re used to situations where that was discouraged.

But you have the power to shift that.

The universe is full of endless possibilities, and the life of your dreams is not only possible, it’s waiting for you.

I’m Evelina Hovich, a Toronto based international life coach, and if you’re feeling stuck, unfulfilled, or wanting more out of life, I can help.

In my practice, I’ve helped many people just like you to manifest the life of their dreams.

For some that means wellness and lifestyle coaching to manifest a healthier, happier life.

For others, it’s confidence and mindset coaching to manifest a stronger, more focused, more confident mind.

Or, you might be interested in manifesting a life of wealth and abundance.

Whatever your dream life looks like, I’m not here to judge – only to help you manifest it.

Book your appointment with me today, and let’s get started on manifesting the life you’ve always dreamed of, but thought was out of reach.

Book your appointment with me, Evelina Hovich, today.