As a Toronto dating and relationship life coach, I’m here to help you manifest the relationship of your dreams.
But relationships are like a garden.
If you plant your seeds, water and fertilize them, and nurture your plants, they’ll grow.
But if you neglect them, they’ll die.
A relationship is a constant dance between your own needs and those of your partner.
And it can be complex to recognize them.
Previously, we talked about how to identify your emotional needs in your relationship.
Next, we talked about how to recognize when your emotional needs aren’t being met in your relationship.
These are two related subjects, but not exactly the same.
Today, we’ll look at the third topic in this series – how to communicate your emotional needs to your partner.
This is a holistic process that comes along with some introspection and exploration.
This article assumes you’ve already identified your needs and have recognized they’re not being met.
Now, let’ take a look at what you can do about it.
It’s All About Communication
Ask any Toronto manifestation life coach, or anybody else who understands how relationships work, and they’ll all tell you the same thing.
Being able to communicate clearly and effectively with your partner is one of the most important factors in creating a healthy, vibrant, satisfying relationship.
Assuming your partner loves you and cares about you, it’s also safe to assume they will want to meet as many of your needs as they’re able, as best as they’re able.
But this relies on your partner understanding your needs in the first place.
An important part of the process of manifesting the life of your dreams is to take time to understand what your dream life actually looks like.
And part of that is to explore that with your partner as well.
After all, your partner may themselves have needs they feel like you haven’t met.
Understanding what your partner’s needs are, and having them understand yours, is the only way to know how to meet them.
And of course, that takes communication.
Here’s how to have a conversation about your unmet needs with your partner.
1. Take The Time To Prepare Beforehand
You’ve spent some time exploring what your needs are, and whether you feel like they’re being met.
Now, it’s important to prepare how you’re going to approach the conversation.
Keep in mind that it’s not an argument.
When we have such conversations, we often frame it like an argument first.
But it’s not you vs your partner.
It’s you and your partner, together, addressing an issue you’re both facing.
Reframe “you” statements as “I” statements, to keep the focus on what your needs are, instead of all the ways you feel like your partner isn’t meeting them.
The former inspires compassion, the latter inspires defensiveness.
Approach the conversation with an attitude that gives your partner the benefit of the doubt.
Assume they love you and care about you, and they want to meet your needs.
This will go a long way toward helping you have an honest, open conversation about each of your needs and how to meet them.
2. Choose A Time To Have The Conversation
How you have this conversation with your partner is important.
But when you have it is just as important.
Just because you’ve been thinking about your unmet needs doesn’t mean your partner has as well.
And of course, your partner has their own stresses and anxieties, some of which they may not have expressed to you.
So if you just show up and start the conversation without preempting it, it can become yet another stressor on their plate.
But this doesn’t have to be a stressful conversation, if you plan it right.
Let your partner know there’s been something on your mind you wanted to talk about.
Make sure they understand it’s not a “we need to talk” sort of situation – rather, just a check in.
Ask them if they have the mental space to talk.
Be prepared for the idea that they might not be able to talk in that moment though.
If they say they can’t, ask them for a time where they can.
And keep in mind there’s a big difference between “I don’t want to talk about that” and “I can’t talk about that right now.”
The first one is dismissive of your needs.
It’s saying “I recognize you have an issue you’d like to discuss, but I don’t want to put the effort into addressing it.”
The second one is actually honouring your feelings.
It’s saying “I recognize you have an issue you’d like to discuss, and I want to make sure I’m mentally and emotionally present so I can give you the attention you deserve.”
Choose a time where your partner can be present, open, and actively listen to you.
3. Focus On The Positive As Well
Okay, so now it’s time to have the conversation with your partner.
Before you get into it, though, it’s important to set your intentions at the beginning of the conversation.
For example, you might say something like “our relationship is important to me and I would love for us to be even closer.”
This can be a great opportunity to express gratitude for your partner as they are as well.
When you feel like some of your needs aren’t being met, it’s easy to focus on the negatives.
But your partner does meet some of your needs, and it’s important to keep that in mind as well.
Try using the sandwich method of criticism.
Start with positive comments, then talk about how you feel like your needs aren’t being met, and end with appreciative words.
The end can be something like praising your partner for being agreeable and open to talking through this topic with you, for example
4. Offer Concrete Solutions
If you have an idea of how your partner can help you meet your needs, you can mention them as well.
For example, if you feel like you’d like more physical intimacy with your partner, you can suggest spending more time cuddling, or holding hands when you’re out for a walk.
If you feel like your partner is dismissive of your feelings, you can let them know that it can be helpful for your partner to sit with you in whatever feelings you happen to be feeling in the moment.
If you feel like they have a negative or critical mindset, it may be helpful to explore ideas for how to break out of a scarcity mindset.
Remember, though, to be open to any suggestions your partner may have as well.
You know your needs, but your partner knows theirs as well, and they know what they’re capable of when it comes to meeting your needs.
5. Remember – Your Partner Can’t Be Your Everything
Your partner can’t meet all of your needs, all of the time.
We all grew up with the fairy tale idea that there’s our One True Love out there who will be our perfect everything.
But that’s not realistic, and it’s not sustainable.
It’s important to have other support systems in your life to turn to.
It’s nice when your partner meets your needs, but they can’t meet them all.
You may have an interest in traveling, for example, or in exploring a new type of art, and your partner might not share that interest.
That’s okay – that’s what other people are for.
Book Your Session With Evelina Hovich Today
Is it time to manifest the relationship of your dreams?
If so, I’m here to help.
I’m Evelina Hovich, a Toronto manifestation life coach, and if you feel like the life of your dreams is just out of reach, you’re not alone.
Whether it’s your dream relationship you want to manifest, a more confident mindset, or the healthy lifestyle of your dreams, life coaching can help you get there.
The universe has great abundance in store for you, and I can help you get there.