How To Identify Your Emotional Needs In A Relationship | Evelina Hovich | Toronto Life Coach

Do you know what your emotional needs are?

If you’re like many of us, you were never taught how such things work.

In my time providing wealth and abundance coaching in Toronto, I’ve found that many of the greatest signs of abundance are internal, rather than external.

If you’re working with a life coach for dating and relationships, it could be because somewhere in your romantic life you might be feeling fear or uncertainty.

But even for those who are already in a relationship, even a joyful and satisfying one, it may feel like there’s something missing.

As many relationship coaches will tell you, clear and effective communication with your partner is one of the most important elements of a healthy intimate relationship.

Clear communication can help you recognize what yours and your partner’s needs are, so you both can meet them as best you can.

But how do you know what your needs are?

That’s something many of us weren’t taught how to do.

What Is A Need, Anyway?

The word need is a little complicated.

When you think need, what comes to mind?

You need to do your taxes, you need to pick the kids up from the pool, you need to make dinner, the list goes on – that’s not the need we’re looking at today.

From an emotional perspective, to me it carries along with it a bit of desperate energy.

And along with desperation comes repulsion.

We’ve talked about the Law of Attraction plenty on this blog in the past.

We’ve talked about using the law of attraction to manifest greater health, to stop comparing yourself to others, to clean up emotional baggage in your home, and more.

The Law of Attraction is a wonderful way to manifest the life of your dreams – that’s why so many Toronto life coaches talk about it.

But what’s not as often talked about is the second half – it’s the Law of Attraction and Repulsion.

Think of a magnet – it attracts certain things, and repels others.

The Law of Attraction works the same way.

Through the art of manifestation, you’re not just attracting the life of your dreams, you’re actually repelling things that don’t mesh with your dream life.

We attract not what we want or need, but what we focus on from a vibrational perspective.

For example, when you embrace an abundance mindset, you’re repelling a scarcity mindset, because of course you can’t attract both.

So what does that have to do with needs?

When you succumb to desperation, that desperation becomes the main focus of your life.

Rather than using your mental energy to manifest the life of your dreams, you end up using it to focus on what you perceive to be lacking in your life.

From a relationship perspective, that desperation can actually repel the relationship of your dreams.

Is that to say you shouldn’t have emotional needs?

Of course not – we all have emotional needs, because we’re social creatures by nature.

Just be wary that your desire to fulfill these needs doesn’t lead you to desperation.

Because the more you focus on your needs and wants, the more you’ll keep them away from yourself.


Because you’re focusing on what you don’t have.

And what we focus on, grows.

Instead, it’s important to think of what your emotional needs are as though you’ve already fulfilled them, and what that might feel like.

But it’s hard to do that without knowing what those emotional needs are in the first place.

So, let’s take a closer look at how to identify your emotional needs in a relationship.

1. Consider What You Liked (And Didn’t Like) About Past Relationships

In the process of how to understand what the life of your dreams looks like, one of the best frames of reference we have is actually in learning from our past relationships.

Of course, each of your previous relationships ended, one way or another.

So obviously they weren’t the relationship of your dreams.

But in most relationships, given enough time, you can identify at least a few different things you enjoyed about them, and get clearer on what you didn’t.

Spend some time in mindfulness meditation, through building a relationship vision board, or however you prefer to get in touch with yourself.

As you do, consider how each of your previous relationships played out – in what ways were they satisfying, in what ways were they frustrating, and which, if any, mistakes do you keep making in your relationships?

Did you feel safe with your partner?

Were your lifestyle visions aligned?

Do they have a great sense of humour?

Were they physically affectionate in a way you enjoyed?

Did their emotional maturity make it easier for you to communicate?

Beneath each of these happier, more pleasant feelings can lay an emotional need that your previous relationship fulfilled.

On the other hand, beneath every frustration you felt in your previous relationships can lie some unmet emotional needs as well.

If you were constantly fighting with your previous partner because you felt like they were overly controlling, for example, an emotional need might be for somebody who’s more easy going, who can embrace life’s inherent uncertainties and doesn’t feel the need to control everything in their life.

If your previous partner held on to old grudges, you might look for somebody who knows how to forgive better.

Considering both what you liked and didn’t like about your previous relationships can help you recognize your emotional needs.

2. Identify Your Love Language

The concept of love languages has been around since the early 90s, and has crept its way into the way we look at relationships in general.

The idea is that there are five “love languages”, or ways that humans primarily express love in our relationships.

These are:

Acts Of Service

Acts of service are, basically, things you do for your partner.

If you’re the type who likes to fill up your partner’s car with gas, clean the house without being prompted, or does other things to make your partner’s life a little easier, this might be your love language.

Physical Touch

When you think physical touch, the first thing that comes to your mind might be sex.

And that’s part of it, but not all of it.

Physical touch can include things like cuddling, holding hands, or giving your partner a massage.

Quality Time

Do you love spending time with your partner?

Does it make you feel more loved to receive their full attention?

If so quality time might be your love language

Receiving Gifts

Receiving gifts is always fun!

But with this love language, it’s less about the gift than it is the effort put into it.

It’s not about how much it costs or how fancy it is, but that your partner took the time to find – or make – the perfect gift to make you feel loved.

Words Of Affirmation

Do you like it when your partner tells you how much they love you?

How much they appreciate you?

Or when they write you love letters?

If so, this might be your love language.

Identifying Your Love Language

Understanding your love language can be a great start to understanding what your emotional needs are and how you prefer for love to be expressed.

We need all love languages present but each of us has a primary love language.

If the primary language is not satisfied, the other ones may not feel impactful.

It’s also very useful to know your partner’s love language so you can understand how they prefer to receive and express love.

If you’re not sure, check out this free quiz.

Start By Satisfying Your Own Needs

Once you’ve identified your emotional needs, what’s next?

You can wait to meet somebody who fulfils them, sure.

But you might be waiting a while.

So what if you start treating yourself the way you want to be treated in relationships?

What if, having recognized your needs, you start working on fulfilling them yourself?

A big part of the art of manifestation is to think of what you want and feel as if you already have it.

So working to meet your emotional needs yourself can help you manifest people, events, and circumstances that will give you more of the same.

That’s the Law Of Attraction in action.

Connect With Evelina To Book Your Appointment Today

Nothing is impossible.

The universe is overflowing with possibilities, and these possibilities can drive our passions, our insights, and fulfill the greatest blossoming of our time on this plane of existence.

You and I were forged in the crucibles of the very starts themselves – how can scarcity be anything but a myth?

In your career, in your relationships, in your lifestyle, in your mindset – the possibilities never end.

But if you’re struggling to access these limitless possibilities, you’re not alone.

I’m Evelina Hovich, Toronto manifestation life coach, and I can help.

Book your appointment with me today, and take your first step into the boundless possibilities the universe has in store for you.

A healthy lifestyle, a confident mindset, your greatest, most actualized self – it’s all waiting for you.

I can help you access it.

Book your appointment with me, Evelina Hovich, today.