Humans aren’t like most other species.
While platypuses, moose, and polar bears can live deeply solitary lives and be perfectly content with that, that’s not how we’re wired.
We’ve never been the strongest animals on the block, but it’s cooperation that allowed us to get to where we are today.
We’ve always been a social species, and it’s deep social bonds that allow us to thrive.
The most fulfilling relationships we can build are the ones built on a foundation of deep emotional intimacy, and as a relationship life coach and dating consultant, I work to help people find those connections.
But it’s not always the easiest thing to do.
Barriers To Building Intimacy
We weren’t all raised in environments where building emotional intimacy was encouraged.
For some of us, suppressing our emotions was the name of the game – keeping our true feelings buried.
That doesn’t make them bad people, necessarily – they did the best they could with what they had.
Where it makes sense, learning how to forgive your parents for this can help.
But regardless, it might be the case that building deeper emotional intimacy feels unnatural to you.
It’s not in your comfort zone.
And when you step outside of your comfort zone, it can be terrifying.
After all, comfort is what we’re all searching for, right?
But here’s the thing – the real magic doesn’t happen in your comfort zone.
It happens when you let go of your need to control everything, embrace the uncertainties inherent in life, and trust the universe to guide you.
In order to break through our limiting beliefs around emotional intimacy, we have to understand that it involves stepping into a realm of uncertainty, and that it’s a good thing, not a scary thing.
We need a certain amount of certainty, of course.
Certainty about having a roof over our heads and food in our bellies – that’s important.
But once our basic needs are met, certainty and predictability can become stifling.
As part of a practice to manifest great abundance, we have to understand that living in a mental place where you lack emotional intimacy can be familiar, but it’s not where you thrive.
The universe offers you endless possibilities in all areas of life, and emotional intimacy is no different.
But if you’re having trouble breaking through those barriers – or if the trouble is on your partner’s side – there are ways to inspire greater intimacy.
Read on to find out how.
1. Be Vulnerable With Your Partner
You can’t force your partner to be vulnerable with you.
However, one way to encourage them to open up to you is to be the change you wish to see in your relationship.
But it’s not just about dumping all your emotional baggage on your partner all at once – that can be overwhelming and frightening.
Remember, you’re stepping outside your comfort zone, and your partner might be too.
Instead of bombarding your partner with a whole bunch of deeply personal details all at once, try choosing one place to be vulnerable.
One place to start is to consider sharing a feeling you have about your relationship dynamic.
Not in a “we need to talk” sort of way, but in a “can we explore this emotion” way.
And starting with “I feel___” is better than “You are this and that, and you made me feel___”
Being vulnerable with your partner can help encourage them to share similar feelings.
2. Make Sex A Priority
Sex may inspire physical intimacy, but there are a lot of emotions around it.
As well, there are a lot of emotions around a lack of sex.
If you and your partner find you aren’t connecting physically the way you’d like or you used to, it can create emotional barriers that are difficult to work around.
At the same time, life sometimes takes over and sex can fall down the list of priorities if you don’t make it one.
One way to make sure your sex life remains a priority is to have scheduled sexy times.
That might feel unsexy in a way – like sex is an obligation rather than spontaneous eruption of passion – but the longer a relationship lasts, the more that initial spark will give way to a different type of passionate love.
As you and your partner build a life together, sex and mutual attraction are no longer the only element.
Instead, you start to think about very unsexy things – paying bills, budgeting, and potentially raising kids.
In a way, it’s very much like when you first started dating.
Remember when you started dating, and you used to schedule meet up and doing things together?
You thought about what to wear.
You prepared, and you allocated time in your calendar to go on a date.
So, you kind of always scheduled sex, didn’t you?
Of course, the way that scheduling might change, but scheduling time for sex in a relationship that has begun to revolve around scheduling just makes sense.
It allows both you and your partner to build anticipation for your scheduled event, plan for it, and try new things.
And it doesn’t mean you can’t still have spontaneous sex as well.
3. Step Out Of Your Daily Routine
Relationships can be a source of great comfort for us, but as we talked about above, comfort isn’t where growth and magic happens.
It’s about understanding that as humans, we crave both certainty and uncertainty in our lives.
In my work in confidence and mindset coaching, I’ve found there are many elements that hold people back from truly manifesting the life of their dreams.
Fear of uncertainty, fear of failure, fear of embarrassing yourself, fear of rejection.
It’s all fear.
Fear can keep us stuck in the status quo, because as dissatisfying as it might be, it’s familiar.
It’s why so many people go to the same restaurant and have the same meal each time rather than try something new.
It’s why so many people stay stuck in unfulfilling careers they hate rather than take action toward manifesting their dream life.
It’s why so many people don’t learn from their past relationships and end up dating a new partner who has many of the same toxic traits as their last one.
And it’s why so many people settle into a boring, unfulfilling relationship routines rather than stepping outside of their routines.
If this is you, try doing something unexpected with or for your partner.
Have a small gift sent to their office.
Write them a letter telling them how much they mean to you.
Sign up for a class together.
Plan an exciting weekend getaway.
Talk about your dreams and desires.
The universe provides so much potential for us all, and yet it’s easy for us to cut ourselves off from such potential in the face of predictable routine.
By stepping outside of our daily routines sometimes, it can help both you and your partner to remember why you initially fell for each other.
It can help inspire conversations you might not otherwise have had.
It can get you thinking about your life together in different ways.
And it can help break down the barriers between you, inspiring greater emotional intimacy.
Are you having trouble creating deeper emotional bonds with your partner?
Has attraction given way to arguments?
Do you want to manifest the relationship of your dreams?
If so, I’m Toronto manifestation life coach Evelina Hovich, and I can help.
Book your FREE connection call with me today, and let’s start working toward the life you’ve always dreamed of.
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Having a life full of more joy, more fulfillment, and limitless potential? You can do that!
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