How To Let Go Of The Need To Control Everything In Your Life | Evelina Hovich | Life Coaching

The practice of manifestation life coaching is the practice of manifesting the life of your dreams.

But for some people, the desire to manifest that dream life can go hand in hand with the desire to control all elements of your life.

This is, of course, a losing battle – none of us can control absolutely everything.

There are big things outside of our control, like the weather, what the government does, what’s happened in the past, or general human nature.

But there are plenty of little things as well, even down to meeting somebody who’s in a crummy mood or hitting your shin on your bedside table.

Simply put, life happens around us.

Manifesting wealth and abundance doesn’t mean you won’t have financial setbacks.

Manifesting stronger relationships doesn’t mean you won’t ever get into an argument with the people you love.

The art of manifesting your dreams doesn’t mean you’ll never face adversity.

Instead, we need to learn to accept adversity with grace and tranquility.

Let’s take a closer look.

What’s Behind Your Need To Control Everything?

The need to control is, essentially, the need to plan, predict, and prevent everything that happens in your life.

Where does this need come from?

What is it that drives you to plan for every possible contingency, to predict every possible adversity, to prevent anything that isn’t part of your perfect plan?

It’s fear.

Okay, great – fear it is, article finished, time to move on with your life, right?

Not quite.

It’s the fear of losing control, fear of being at the mercy of others.

And often, that fear is rooted in past trauma.

In many cases, those who have a need to control have also faced traumatic events in their past that left them feeling helpless.

Regardless of how long ago that feeling was – and for most of us, it was quite some time ago, often in early childhood – the memory remains.

Experiences of abuse and neglect, for example, can leave you in a place where one of your guiding forces is the need to regain a semblance of control in your life.

This can cause you to lash out at the people in your life as your past traumas trigger these feelings of helplessness.

This can manifest in:

  • Self centred behaviour
  • Extreme jealousy or possessiveness
  • Unpredictable mood swings
  • Lack of empathy
  • Low self esteem
  • Victim mentality
  • Difficulty maintaining healthy relationships
  • Fear of abandonment
  • Being overprotective (helicopter parenting)
  • Micromanagement
  • Trust issues
  • In extreme cases, abusive behaviour toward others

Is Being In Control Bad?

No, absolutely not.

If you’re a business owner, an executive, in some other position of leadership, or even a parent, you need to be in control.

The key is in understanding at what point your need to control becomes unhealthy.

Here’s how to let go of your need to control everything in your life.

tips to stop trying to control everything in your life | Evelina Hovich | Life Coaching

1. Have Faith

Surrendering your need to control means to surrender your belief that you, and only you, can make good things happen.

The truth is there is no way to know with 100% certainty that letting go of your need to control won’t immediately make things worse.

That’s where faith comes in.

If you have faith in a higher power – God, the universe, whatever – that can help, but it can also mean just having faith in others around you.

Have faith that things will be okay without your having to be in control of every single aspect, and you will find it much easier to let go.

2. Use A Journal

Last week, we talked about the practice of starting and ending your day with mindfulness .

Journaling about, and meditating on, control is a great way to do this.

Consider the moments you may have found yourself acting in a controlling way.

Some questions you can ask yourself to better understand them include:

  • Where were you at the time?
  • Who were you with?
  • Does this person often trigger controlling behaviour?
  • How exactly did your need to control manifest?
  • How did the other person respond to this?
  • What was the outcome of this situation?
  • What would you like to do differently next time?
  • What was behind your need to be in control in this situation?

Journaling about your need to control is a great way to gain a greater understanding around how exactly it manifests.

From there, you can begin to take steps toward being different next time.

3. Ground Yourself In The Present

When you strip away all the fluff, the practice of mindfulness is simply the practice of living in the moment.

The need to control everything in your life stems from living in the future, and anxiety about what’s coming.

You’re planning for the future, you’re worried about what’s coming, you’re trying to evade every single little issue that could possibly come up.

A practice of mindfulness is a practice of grounding yourself in the present moment.

In some cases, it can help to physically change your surroundings by getting out of the house – even if it means spending time in your backyard, on your balcony, or in a nearby park.

Affirmations can help this as well.

Consider:

  • I am aware of the present moment
  • I exist in the present moment
  • In this very moment, I have nothing to worry about
  • I am safe in the present
  • I am open to letting go of what is not here
  • Living in the present moment lets me build the future I want

4. Accept What You Can’t Control

There are things you can’t control, and that will never change, no matter how much you want it to.

You can’t control what nature does, and you can’t control what other people do.

You might plan a picnic in the park with a friend, only to wake up and find out it’s raining, or they’ve cancelled, or the park is closed for construction, or there’s a tick infestation in that park, or it’s been reserved for a festival featuring your least favourite type of music.

The list goes on, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Extend that to your practice of manifesting wellness as well.

Maybe the store no longer carries your favourite brand of something, or there’s a backorder on the supplements you love, or you can’t get enough exercise in because you broke your leg, or a thousand other things.

You get the picture.

Things happen in life that you can’t control.

Rather than focusing on them, consider focusing on what you can control.

You can control what you say, what you do, how you act, and how you react.

Focusing on what you can control can help relieve anxiety and improve your relationships with the people around you.

Book Your Appointment With Evelina Hovich Today

Is your need to control everything and everyone around you getting in the way of manifesting your dream life?

Do you find your interpersonal relationships, career, or health suffer as a result?

If so, I’m Evelina Hovich, and I can help.

Book your appointment with me, Evelina Hovich, today.

Book Your Appointment With Evelina Hovich Today

Let’s get you working toward your dream life.

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