Being a pushover is out, setting healthy boundaries is in.
For many women, we find we live our lives according to the expectations others have of us.
This is a common issue, but it’s not conducive to building your dream life.
After all, how can you follow your dreams when you’re constantly following the dreams other people have for you?
But in my work as an interpersonal relationship life coach, I’ve found that often the most difficult relationships to navigate are the ones we have with our parents.
When you aren’t able to set healthy boundaries with your parents, it can breed resentment, frustration, and contribute to the breakdown of your relationship.
And yet, when you’re able to do so effectively, it can be a wonderfully empowering experience that can lead to a deeper connection with them.
Let’s take a look.
Why Is It So Difficult To Set Healthy Boundaries With Your Parents?
Your relationship with your parents, and your parents’ relationship with you, will shift quite a bit over the years.
At first, you’re absolutely dependent on them for everything.
Without their parents’ help, an infant can’t eat, sleep, or move around.
However, this absolute dependence doesn’t last forever.
Eventually, you learn to crawl.
Then to walk.
Then to talk.
Then to get your own snacks out of the cupboard.
Then to make your own meals.
Then to make your own way to school.
Then to drive.
And so on, not always necessarily in that order.
Along with each of these steps comes a lengthening of the tether your parents have over you.
Like a pet on a leash, it gets longer and longer with each milestone you reach.
Until eventually, you’re an adult and living your own life entirely.
At this point, your parents shift from being a caregiver to in many ways being an equal.
This can be a difficult mental shift on both ends.
Your parents stop seeing you as somebody whose every need they must take care of.
And you stop seeing your parents as omniscient and all knowing.
Of course, that process happens gradually over time, but it’s in young adulthood that it really reaches its final conclusion.
Or at least, it ought to.
What Happens When It Doesn’t?
When your relationship with your parents doesn’t make this shift, it can cause tension.
Perhaps you find a parent is being overly meddlesome, feeling the need to control everything in your life.
Perhaps you’re making a career change as part of a shift toward manifesting greater wellness in your lifestyle, and they disapprove.
Perhaps they’re interfering with your romantic relationships, causing tension between you and your partner.
Perhaps their behaviour is triggering feelings of guilt.
Perhaps it’s disrupting your practice of building a confident mindset.
Whatever the reason, creating healthy boundaries with your parents can go a long way toward improving your relationship with them.
Easier said than done, sometimes.
Here are three ways to set healthy boundaries with your parents.
1. Understand And Identify What Your Needs Are
When you’re in a situation where it feels like your needs aren’t being met, it can lead to a lot of frustration.
That’s especially true when you’re working to set healthy boundaries with people in your life.
But it can be even more complicated when you’re working on setting healthy boundaries with your parents – since after all, many of the frustrations you feel toward them may have been growing since your early childhood.
So it’s worth spending time considering what your needs actually are in the situation.
Consider journaling or meditating on it to get a deeper understanding of what your issue actually is.
Otherwise, it can snowball into every single little thing you’ve ever had to deal with when it comes to your parents.
2. Approach With Love
You may be feeling all sorts of emotions when it comes to your parents.
Sadness that they haven’t recognized your boundaries.
Fear that they may overreact at your assertion.
Frustration, built up over the years.
Above all else, though, remember that your parents love you and you love them.
Learning how to forgive your parents for their transgressions, and being willing to move forward with a newly established relationship dynamic, is much easier when you keep this in mind.
They’re not bad people, and they’re not your enemy.
And they too, come with their own traumas and experiences that influence how they see life and treat other people, including their children.
3. Commit To Your Boundaries
It doesn’t always feel great when you set boundaries.
You might feel some pushback from your parents when you set them.
And you might feel even more pushback when you reassert them in different scenarios.
As a result, it can be tempting to just let things go and slip back into the status quo.
But while asserting your boundaries may lead to some drama in the short term, over a longer timeline it can lead to a stronger, healthier relationship with your parents.
Don’t be afraid to stick to your guns when it comes to your boundaries.
Book a Connection Call With Evelina Hovich Today
Of course, when it comes to setting boundaries, it can be easier said than done.
It’s tempting sometimes to remain stuck in a toxic relationship dynamic with your parents, or with anybody else because it’s familiar to you.
And while familiarity can be comfortable in its own way, remaining in a toxic dynamic makes it difficult for growth to happen.
If you have trouble setting boundaries though, you’re not alone.
As women, we’re not taught how to set healthy boundaries, but it doesn’t have to stay that way.
Book a connection call with me, and let’s work on setting boundaries with your parents and others in your life.