It’s a common feeling.
You see somebody else who seems like they live the life you dream of having, and you start comparing yourself to them to see how you measure up.
Maybe they exude a sense of power, and confidence you wish you had.
This is something a confidence and successful mindset coach can help you with.
Maybe you look up to them for their lifestyle, and fantasize of having something even remotely similar.
And by the way, a lifestyle of wellness and wellbeing coach can help you get there as well.
They have the body you want, they drive the car you want, they’ve manifested the relationship of your dreams (or so it seems).
The list goes on – the point is that this person has something you want.
As a manifestation life coach, I speak to a lot of people who compare themselves to others, usually unfavourably.
The result doesn’t usually play out positively, but the good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way.
There’s a reason why we compare ourselves to others.
More importantly, there’s a way we can get around it.
Why Do We Compare Ourselves To Others?
Psychologist Leon Festinger called it social comparison theory – the idea that we derive our sense of self worth in comparison to the people around us.
It’s one of the ways we develop an understanding of who we are.
Humans are social creatures, after all, and we exist in reference to other people.
But it’s not all bad, in fact.
Comparing yourself to others can help motivate you.
It can serve as an inspiration and a wakeup call, a reminder that you have desires that have not been fulfilled yet.
It can push you to greater heights in your life, especially when you have a source of friendly competition.
As you and your friendly competitor work together, you can help each other by providing advice on how to improve the areas each of you is weaker in.
Writers do this often – they have a circle of other writers they share their work with who critique their work and help them see things they may have missed.
Athletes do this too.
So do people in business.
And in this light, it can be a great element in the practice of manifesting your dream life.
But there’s a dark side to this as well.
What Happens When We Compare Ourselves To Others?
“A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms” – Zen Shin
This is especially true with comparing yourself to others on social media.
After all, what you see is a highlight reel, a sort of “greatest hits” of somebody’s life, or what they want to think their life is
It’s not often that people post a snapshot to their Instagram after a three hour sob session.
I have yet to see anyone doing a Facebook Live event in the middle of a nervous breakdown.
So when you compare your own life to these highly curated examples of what others’ lives look like, you’re not comparing things evenly.
You’re creating a situation where you absolutely cannot win.
This can lead to a downward spiral of catastrophizing in your mind.
This person is better than me, this person works harder, is smarter, is better looking, they have it all, and I don’t, whyyyy don’t I have it all???
And ultimately it leads to a very common limiting belief of “I am not good enough”.
All this does is keep you in a mindset where you’re focused on what you don’t have.
And as we talked about last week, we manifest what we focus on the most.
So when you stay focused on what you don’t have, you manifest more of it.
You’ll start to see more reminders of what you feel is missing in your life.
That’s manifesting – but it’s not the type of manifesting that’s going to lead to your dream life.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
How Can You Turn It Around?
“The goodness that you put out into the world always finds a way to come back to you” – Dhar Mann
So far, we’ve talked about the benefits of comparing yourself to others, as well as the potential issues that can arise when you do.
How do we make sure we get more of the former, and less of the latter?
By putting out into the world what you want to see more of.
When you see this person you admire, imagine yourself in their shoes.
Take a moment to visualize it – ask yourself:
- What that life will look, sound, smell, taste, and feel like– get all five senses involved
- What emotions you want to feel if you had what you admire in others
- What actions you are you inspired to take
- If I had what they have, how will it serve others
When you see someone that has what you want, see it as a possibility.
Tell yourself: If they have it, it means, it’s possible.
If it’s possible for them, it’s possible for me too.
Let’s look at something most of us want on the emotional level – to receive recognition for our accomplishments.
So why not start by doing that yourself?
When you see a stranger in a cafe, in the grocery store, at a networking group, or wherever – if you admire something about them, tell them.
When you do this, a few things happen.
First of all, you’ll feel great.
But this can also help you reframe the way you approach others.
We’re often taught that in order to win, somebody else has to lose.
That’s true in some situations, like sports – you don’t win a tennis match without your opponent losing.
But in other areas of life, success actually breeds more success.
The more we can be truly celebrate others’ success, the more likely we’ll manifest success for ourselves.
In terms of energy, what we focus on expands.
Let’s take love, for example.
Our capacity for love is infinite, bottomless, and the more we feel love towards ourselves and others, the more the love we have in our life grows.
Feeling love – and expressing that love – would never diminish your ability to receive love.
Besides, as we said, when someone else has manifested what you want, that’s proof that it’s possible for you too.
If you look at others who live your dream life and think “why isn’t that me?” you keep yourself in the mindset of lacking, and will create more situations, events and circumstances that will keep you there.
Instead, by reframing it as “that could be me as well”, you’re opening up to manifesting that reality for you.
This is the Law Of Attraction at work.
We’re all energetic beings, and we attract more of what we think, feel and believe.
If you want to receive more, start giving first.
Book Your FREE Connection Call With Evelina Hovich Today
Do you find you frequently compare yourself to others, and feel like it’s holding you back in life?
Do you know you’re destined for something greater, but you feel stuck in your current life?
I’m Evelina Hovich, and I can help.
Book your FREE connection call with me today, and let’s explore what the life of your dreams looks like, what is keeping you stuck, and how you can move forward to begin the life you’ll be excited to wake up to every day.
The universe offers endless potential for every one of us.
We only need to open ourselves up to the possibilities.
You don’t need to stay stuck – I can help you.