It’s nice to make others happy.
It’s nice to make ourselves happy.
But what happens when these needs come into conflict?
Because after all, manifesting a healthy, confident mindset is foundational to accessing the great gifts the universe has to offer.
But what happens when you find yourself giving way to the expectations others have of you at the expense of your own happiness?
Expectations aren’t inherently bad, but when the expectations others have of you end up overshadowing your own needs, it can lead to a situation of people pleasing.
Let’s take a look at why that’s a problem, and what you can do about it.
Why Is People Pleasing A Problem?
It doesn’t sound like something that would be a problem, does it?
In fact, it sounds kind of nice.
After all, most of us enjoy making others feel good.
But people pleasing is about a lot more than just that.
People pleasing is about doing what others expect of us – whether that’s conscious or not on their part – in order to avoid upsetting anybody or rocking the boat.
And when people pleasing is done at the expense of your own wants and needs, in the long run, all it does is cause resentment, frustration and ultimately hold you back from manifesting the life of your dreams.
These limiting expectations can come from guilt tripping parents or a partner who expects you to act a certain way, but the truth is it’s not them that’s causing you to be a people pleaser.
You can’t control the expectations others have of you, but you can control how you respond to them.
And one way to do that is by people pleasing – but this isn’t healthy.
But what’s the root cause of people pleasing?
Here are three of them.
1. Fear Of Conflict
This is especially so if conflict in previous relationships has escalated into abuse.
Fear of conflict can lead you to people please, because in the short term it can defuse a situation.
But it’s a bandage, not a cure.
Conflict can be a way to develop greater emotional intimacy and understanding with your partner, but not if you’re constantly fleeing from it.
2. Low Self Esteem
It’s hard to say whether low self esteem causes people pleasing or the other way around.
However, the reason why it develops self esteem issues is because it’s a constant dance to compromise who you are in order to remain liked by the people around you.
You end up feeling like you need to hide who you truly are because if it were truly known, the people in your life would walk away from you.
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3. Fear Of Being Alone
While it can be stressful to feel the need to constantly hide yourself, it can be even more frightening to be alone.
If your fear of loneliness is greater than the anxiety you feel around burying who you are in order to please the people around you, you’ll continue doing it.
How To Stop People Pleasing
There are other causes of people pleasing as well, but they’re all rooted in the same thing – fear.
But fear isn’t where growth takes place.
Fear keeps us stuck.
Fear keeps us in a state of scarcity, holding us back from doing the work to manifest a life of great abundance and joy.
How do you turn it around?
How do you fully embrace your true self and create a happier, healthier, more joyous life?
Here are three ways.
1. Get Comfortable With Setting Boundaries
As you work to overcome challenges holding you back from manifesting the life of your dreams, you may find it’s important to build new boundaries.
Rather than unconscious barriers that stop you from truly embracing all the gifts the universe can offer, these are boundaries you consciously create to protect your own energy.
Setting healthy boundaries with your parents, your partner, and the others in your life can feel uncomfortable, even scary, especially when you’re used to people pleasing.
But manifesting the life of your dreams means getting clear on what YOUR best life looks like, and taking massive, inspired action toward making that happen.
Mindfulness practices like journaling and meditation are great for helping you get in touch with what you truly want, but the trick is to actually make it happen.
But eventually, once you get clear on your vision for your dream life, you might find that what you need to do to attain it can interfere with the ideas others have for your life.
In this case, it’s important to embrace the power of the word no.
When others ask you for something, and you’re able and willing to provide it, go ahead.
But if doing so ends up harming you or holding you back, you are allowed to say no.
It’s also worth mentioning, that no is a complete sentence.
2. Be Emotionally Honest With Yourself
One of the frustrating things about being a people pleaser is that it can end up creating deep resentment toward the people in your life when they don’t even necessarily deserve it.
Not only does this drive a wedge between you and the people in your life, this resentment can end up distracting you from manifesting a truly joyous, prosperous, abundant life.
You might start to see your loved ones as barriers to the life of your dreams.
You might end up seeing them as the reason why you don’t have the life you want.
These may feel real, but they’re not based in reality.
Your people pleasing habit is your own, and your loved ones may be taking advantage of it – consciously or not – but that doesn’t mean it’s their fault.
This is why emotional honesty is so important.
After all, the first step toward overcoming your challenges and manifesting your dream life is to recognize what your challenges are in the first place.
3. Listen To Your Inner Voice
The longer you delve into manifesting the life of your dreams, the more you’ll come to understand who you truly are.
God, source, the universe, whatever you want to call it – tapping into this greater power will reveal inspiring and sometimes surprising truths about ourselves.
Coming to such discoveries, however, is one thing.
The next step is take massive, inspired action toward making it happen.
But while this new, profound personal revelation can completely change the way you look at yourself, the people in your life didn’t have the benefit of such an experience.
They still have the same expectations of you they always have.
And those same expectations can end up pulling you back into your people pleasing habits.
In times like this, it can help to embrace the power of words and create a mantra for yourself.
Mantras can help you flip the script on what’s happening around you and give you back your own power in the face of being pulled back toward your old habits.
Consider one of the following mantras, or create your own:
- I trust in myself and in my vision
- My life is my own and my dreams are worthy of pursuit
- My journey is not their journey
- I deserve to move toward my dream life
- I have the freedom to pursue my ideal self
Negative thoughts can be powerful, but what’s worse is that they tend to build on themselves.
One negative thought begets another, then another, until we find ourselves spiraling down into further and further negativity.
The reason mantras are so powerful is because they break the cycle of catastrophizing and help you re-centre yourself.
The universe provides, but that doesn’t mean we always have the abundant gifts of the universe in sight.
Mantras can remind you of the life you deserve, the life of your dreams, the life that’s waiting for you to take it.
Are your people pleasing tendencies holding you back from building the life of your dreams?
Do you struggle to assert your needs and work toward them?
Are you tired of feeling stuck and frustrated in your life?
If so, I’m a life coach in Toronto and I can help.
Book your complimentary connection call with me, Evelina Hovich, today, and let’s overcome the challenges that are in the way of you manifesting the life of your dreams.
Your dream life is out there waiting for you.
What you seek is seeking you.
The universe provides everything you could ever want and more, and it will do all the heavy lifting for you as well.
All you have to do is take it.
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